Caged fire

A human life, I think, should be well rooted in some area of native land where it may get the love of tender kinship from the earth, for the labors men go forth to, for the sounds and accents that haunt it, for whatever will give that early home a familiar unmistakable difference amidst the future widening of knowledge. The best introduction to astronomy is to think of the nightly heavens as a little lot of stars belonging to one’s own homestead.

-George Eliot

Today I spent my time helping my (future) brother-in-law prepare his land for this season.  It’s the first time this ground has been tilled, worked and seeded.  We did a lot of tilling, burning brush, trimming and cutting trees, removing rocks from the gardens and general landscaping.  It felt so good to get up early and work hard; see productive work being done and have God smile down on us as we reap the blessings that come from obedience.

My sister and brother-in-law’s house is beautiful, it’s nestled right next to the Shenandoah Valley on over an acre of land in a small but decent farm house.  It’s a house a young couple can restore and clean up, start a family and watch it grow.  It won’t hold a large family but it will sell nicely when their family grows and it would give someone else a chance to start off right.
I pray that my path leads me to taking a wife and starting a family, I know I have a fantastic model in front me.  Watching my sister and her fiance has been so wonderful to observe and to learn from.  Seeing God’s hand of providence reign down on them as they keep His commandments and obey what He lays before them.  They’ve actually been engaged longer than the courtship – but that’s what happens when you do things right!  God moves them along to bigger and better things to accomplish higher deeds to advance His kingdom.

It’s tough for me to obedience to where God has placed me because I am still very far away from where they are.  He’s placed me in a baby industry that cannot support a man on his own and the hopes to start a family; at least not yet.  I know film making can me made into a model that have a man perform his duties and responsibilities but it’s dependent on a lot of factors that aren’t the norm yet.  I don’t care if I have to work hard and constantly, I don’t care if I get stuck in an office job, I don’t worry about ‘liking’ where He places me, I just want Him to use me and place me where I can do.

I’m restless because He is not pouring me with blessings or have me serve while I wait.  I’m just supposed to wait…but why has He made as I am where I cannot do anything?  Why have me serve Him in an industry where I can barely support myself, much less a family?  I’ve even tried getting my old (but stable) job back but He’s closed that door too.

He has called me to a time of just burning.  I can’t light other people’s fires, I can’t tame my own.  I’m just burning and praying.  Waiting on the time to where He calls me and I can let loose this passion for Him like a phoenix from it’s ashes.

I know God has aligned everything so that I will go where He calls me.  To a homestead, to a job, a wife and kids, another place altogether or nothing but death, I will go.

Being a living sacrifice is hard.

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